Lost Carnival - IC Inbox

[soft_focus]

✆CHANNEL FREQUENCY: 141.44144
DESCRIPTION: Sometimes Reira takes a minute to answer, since she sometimes knocks the volume dial too far, and anyone shouting through it hurts her ears.

✉MAIL BOX LOCATION: Mailbox on Door
DESCRIPTION: It's a rather simple mailbox that was already built into the trailer. Reira checks it every day! (since you're supposed to, apparently)

Comments

[soft_focus]

I chose them because they weren't scared..! [She shouts, pausing only to regain her own calm.] ...I chose it...because if I didn't, they'd keep worrying.

........I knew that more people were being worried. And worry doesn't hurt a lot at all. But I wanted them to stop worrying because they were WORRIED, not because it hurt! [she laments, shaking her head. Yes, it hurt, but the biggest thing that keeps coming back, and back, and back to her mind is....it was far, far from the worst she'd ever felt.] So I thought 'if I go there, and sleep there, they'll stop worrying. ...And I made it worse.

[She's hiding something-someone, more accurately, but she carries on before she can dwell on it.]

...I know The Prince was angry. He was more than angry, [she adds, frowning.] He had a lot of hate, too-and fear, even. [As much as it was radiating on the spot, at least.]

....But I fought something that hated worse than that-and I held that thing inside me, before I came here, too.

I know it hurts. ....But I also know that there are things a lot more important than if I'm hurt.

....and.... ....I also know now, that those things are more important than if others are worried about that hurt, too. ....even if I don't know what that thing might be.

[She swallows-but steels herself, looking up to the man.] When the Prince left the dance, his hate, and anger, were there. That didn't change-even if I wasn't there where you stole from him, I felt that.

...And I could still move, and think, because he didn't feel it as long as everyone felt scared.

[She has a feeling, after all, that no one they steal from will be standing in front of them for a full number of hours. Not without someone dying, at least. ...And....

The girl gathers some courage.] ....After I came back... ....I tried to find you, to talk to you, about what happened. ....To say 'sorry'-even if sorry is only a word. ....But more than just sorry, [Reira explains, doing her best to keep calm,] I didn't want to hide. ...Because I did something that anywhere else, would mean I was dead-that a lot of others would be dead-and even if had been just one, and not everyone, it still would have been just as bad.

[Well. Perhaps not, but as it is.] ....Is me being hurt when people feel things... ....is that really the only reason you don't want me to steal for you, any more?

[She doesn't ask with hope. Or even fear, for that matter-it is a cautious curiosity, as she wonders how she could be trusted at all, after this.

(Perhaps there was more to what everyone kept telling her, after all.)]

[atouts]

[ All of that and all she gets is one very unimpressed Childermass. Appealing to him that she didn't want to hide after the fact, after all this nonsense about painful feelings and fleeing from them, long rambling explanations, struggling to control her emotions even now. It was putting the cart before the horse in this case when all he cared for were straightforward answers.

So, no, that little frown of his only becomes a scowl. ]

It is the cause of many reasons. It prompted you to make a decision that you yourself realize was selfish. Not only that, but it was childish. You disobeyed what the Warden and the Nightrider told everyone to do, brought down two others with you for your behavior, and now it seems you plan on arguing with my decision. Your inability to follow a simple rule and that you can apparently be so affected makes you a danger in the field, not only to others but to yourself.

[ Childermass doesn't have to raise his voice, he just has to sound gravely disappointed. ]

If you wish to act like a child, as that is indeed what you are, you are free to do so, under the care of the Foreman and only the Foreman. That will be all, Ms. Akaba.

[soft_focus]

....And if I don't..?

[She doesn't even know what acting like a child means, at this point. But if she isn't allowed to get another chance at all-then she has little choice (no choice, really) but to take it.]

[atouts]

[ Not listening to adults, for one.

He raises an eyebrow at her. ]

And if you don't what, Ms. Akaba?

[soft_focus]

....If I don't want to 'act like a child'. [If that includes 'listening to adults', then that's the exact thing she'd like to do a lot more of since not doing it that One Time went horribly. Or at least, listening to the Wrong Adult made things go horribly.

She's certainly capable of making sure she listens to the Right ones in the future, at least.]

[atouts]

Then you've done a fine job of making me believe otherwise. Now I have dismissed you twice already. I will not discuss this further.

[ It doesn't matter. It would only further prove an inability to make good decisions and coupled with, as far as he's been able to figure out from her rambling, an uncontrollable empathy, he won't be putting her or his team at risk for the pride of a seven year old.

In any case, this last dismissal has him turning away to look back out across the lake rather than at her. ]

[soft_focus]

[Well fine then. She does study his back for a moment-she can tell the conversation is going nowhere, certainly, but it Is always odd to read off this one. But she does turn.

Fine. Prove she can be trusted, and find a way to stop feeling pain. She'll work on those things on top of taking orders to heart, in the future. Even if Childermass doesn't intend to pay any of that mind in the future.

It is strange though, she thinks-she's certain, very certain, that many adults have made just as poor decisions over feelings.

She'll be gone by the time Childermass finally does choose to turn back, but she certainly won't be going to her trailer now. She has better things to do.]